Musician Sues Self

By Annie Raines, Girl Reporter

Musician Paul Rishell announced today that he is filing a lawsuit against himself. "It seemed like a good idea at the time," he recently said, "and I thought I might learn something."
With the abundance of affordable recording and replication equipment on the market today, the number of artists producing and distributing their own CDs is on the rise. In the past, both record labels and artists were often forced to resort to litigation to address their grievances, but today artists can market their own CDs, and they are free to sue themsleves if they lag behind in the marketplace.
Well-known music industry expert Barry "Swift Kick" Lubavitch, who spoke on condition of anonymity, commented in an interview, "It used to be that there were only a few big record labels and a handful of independents. Now anybody with a CD burner and a little entreprenurial spirit can screw himself or herself over without any help. It's a wide-open field right now. They've eliminated the middleman and significantly reduced the overhead."

Rishell predicts a trend where musicians will file a multitude of charges against themselves for career interference, failure to pay royalties, and breach of contract. Music lawyers have determined that there would be no conflict of interest in representing both sides in such cases, further reducing the costs for both plaintiff and defendant.
Rishell declined to name the amount he expected to get from himself, and vowed to countersue, citing years of sexual harassment and emotional damages. When asked what he would do with the proceeds (from either suit), he declared that he would "keep gigging 'til the money runs out." He added that he bore himself no ill will, "but I've stood in my own way long enough."

reporter's note: This bit of satire (you did know I was kidding, didn't you?) was inspired by the very real and serious case of William Galison vs. Rounder Records, Madeleine Peyroux, and her attorney, and is not meant to parody the case. I am personally appalled at how far some companies will go to eliminate a little healthy competition, keeping perfectly good music from being heard. For more information about the William Galison / Madeleine Peyroux story, visit www.jazzpolice.com